If We Could Last Forever
by Shawtymanex42
Summary: Cartman and Kyle have been in an on/off relationship since they were fifteen, but with college came their supposed end. However, fate keeps throwing them second chances, so is it really crazy to think that they could (and were meant to) last forever? Fluffy Kyman oneshot. Rated T. Hope you like and reviews are appreciated!


** A/N:** For all those wondering, chapter 9 of 'An Infinite April' will be posted soon!

* * *

It all started when they were 15.

But for Cartman , it unfolded a year before. When Stan and Kenny had inexplicably dragged him to another Park County Junior High basketball game. It was at this game, where Kyle was undoubtedly the star, and his dominating, captivating presence made Cartman realize what he had secretly knew and shamefully kept hidden for longer than he would care to admit. A crush. A demanding, sordidly intoxicating, maddening crush that Cartman felt was beneath a person of his intellect and narcissism. A lesser person may have called it 'falling in love'.

Kyle, stubborn as ever, tried furiously to convince himself that Cartman's feelings were fickle, perhaps a product of boredom and curiosity. If Kyle let himself believe that, then it would clip his own uncontrollable, cloyingly illicit feelings towards a boy he told himself that he was supposed to hate.

Still, while neither of them had admitted their feelings to each other, there were enough flirtatious encounters, embarrassed looks that lingered too long and arguments equally laced with frustration and awkward, pubescently abashed lust, to advertise their mutual crushes to one and other.

Finally, after an impatient year of waiting and wondering, denial and an ever-growing need to accept what they were both feeling, Kyle, in the middle of another argument (heated in more ways than one) asked;

"What do you want?!"

The golden eyes, that Kyle had found so much strange beauty in, fell to the floor in defeat. Cartman had never looked so vulnerable to Kyle then, the most sexlessly arousing situation they both had been in, yet Kyle's need to have Cartman so intimately close to him, had never been so headily overpowering. And yet, Cartman also exuded a maturity that commanded both Kyle's respect and admiration.

"You" Cartman replied, as if the want, the _need _was exhausting. "I, I've wanted you for a long time, Kahl"

Cartman was unsure if he said the words out loud yet, before Kyle had pulled him to his lips and kissed him with aplomb. It was almost as if Kyle's mouth was meant to meld with Cartman's; passionate and non-committal. And like Kyle wanted Cartman to know it.

"Well..." Kyle shrugged, the tone of his voice was nonchalant, but distantly argumentative. He was still breathless from the kiss, his eyes still damp from the wild rush of emotions and he licked at his lips as if congratulating himself. "Now you have me"

"I guess I do" Cartman replied, not meaning to laugh nervously but relieved when Kyle did the same.

Although they didn't know what exactly was so funny. Maybe that they had each other all along?

* * *

**17**

Cartman and Kyle's two year on/off relationship was very much off and had been for five months. It was all due to an unfortunate week of disputes which escalated the doubts that had been present since day one.

However, the two boys didn't mourn yet another break up, since, like the ever present doubts there was always a sanguine thought of reconciliation.

Still, this constant flicker of hope didn't deter Cartman's confusion as to why he was wandering around an empty locker room looking for Kyle.

The locker room was their most sacred meeting place. Not entirely for carnal purposes, but a place where they could easily escape and be together fully. They would greedily make out on the benches, or if they were really impatient, up against a locker, kissing as if they knew their time together was finite. The only time they ever dared to have sex here was a year ago, after another basketball victory. The only rejoicing player left in the locker room was Kyle and when Cartman came to congratulate him, their giddy, joyous kisses descended into Kyle being fucked against his own locker.

Cartman smiled at the memory, the sticky, sultry steam that was creeping deeper into the locker room only aiding in making his reminiscent thoughts more vivid.

"Cartman?" An all too familiar voice over the obnoxiously loud noise of running water "Is that you?"

"Yeah" Cartman replied, swallowing nervously. He was always anxious when Kyle refused to divulge specific information about their meetings.

"Where are you?" Cartman asked before he could stop himself.

"Um, in the shower" Kyle laughed. He pressed on more teasingly "Aren't you gonna come over?"

"Alright" Cartman murmured, his hands in his pockets as if that was enough of a gesture to remind both Kyle and himself that there was nothing between them anymore. Although that was far from the truth.

As soon as Cartman saw a head of bright, scarlet curls among the thick steam, it became obvious why Kyle wanted to meet him. This only made it easier for Cartman to play aloof and hard to get. A part that Kyle hated to admit he loved.

Cartman leaned against the doorway to the shower cubicles casually, finding it surprisingly easy not to stare.

To give Kyle credit, Cartman couldn't deny his strategy; luring Cartman to a somewhat special place, after a basketball game, which was sure to get Kyle pumping with adrenaline and a testosterone fueled, primal confidence in himself. The two things that turned Cartman on greatly.

"What did you think of the game?" Kyle's voice startled Cartman from his thoughts.

"I only caught the end. I didn't see much" Cartman replied, remaining un-phased when he could see Kyle through the steam, a pink bar of soap trailing absent-mindedly over his flat stomach, down to his groin.

"Oh" Kyle nodded, followed by a silence that Cartman learned was dangerous "You're allowed to look, you know..."

"I am?" Cartman asked, his eyes drifting up and he bit back a knowing smile at seeing Kyle naked.

"Well, yeah" Kyle shrugged, before licking his teeth and grinning "It's not as if you haven't seen me naked plenty of times before"

Oh, how Cartman remembered the first time; It was their third time 'together', they had ditched study hall to go to Kyle's house and while they always assumed they would be partly dressed while making love, they found themselves completely naked under Kyle's sheets. It somehow felt more sensual, romantic, so adult of them, to be able to kiss and touch each other everywhere, totally exposed yet liberated to one and other. There was something so exciting about that. Before then, they had only seen each other shirtless, only seen their cocks through unzipped flies or when their jeans were pulled down to their ankles , but that afternoon they saw where everything joined, meshed fluidly. It was like everything about each other connected and made sense. It was on that day, that Cartman learned that Kyle was paler in some places and that the sun-kissed freckles that dusted his hips, trailed down his thighs.

"True" Cartman nodded, before adding uneasily "But we're not together anymore, so it's-"

"What?"

"It's inappropriate... Isn't it?"

Kyle shook his head "No, I don't think it is. I don't care if you see me naked, in fact, I don't care if you wanna stare at me while I wash shampoo out of my hair. Do you wanna watch me?"

"I would never pass up the opportunity to see you naked" Cartman grinned honestly, blushing.

"Right!" Kyle exclaimed, glad that his point was proven. His eyes glazed over thoughtfully as he added "And if you were naked, I'd happily and unabashedly stare at you..."

"For aesthetic reasons, of course" Cartman smirked.

"Oh, purely innocent" Kyle teased, biting his lip and studying Cartman carefully. Cartman couldn't help but notice - and smugly revel in - the aroused, silent parting of Kyle's mouth and his hardening cock, gleaming with rivulets of water.

"Kahl? Do you wanna ask me something?" Cartman asks, not expecting an answer "Because your mouth just keeps opening and closing"

"Oh" Kyle blinked, his blush masked by the heavy heat of the shower, composing himself, he smirked and asked "I was wondering if, since it's totally appropriate and innocent, you'd wanna join me?"

"Really?" Cartman asked, honestly a little thrown by Kyle's suggestion.

Kyle rubbed the back of his neck and offered sheepishly as an explanation "We haven't been hanging out so much lately..."

"And so the obvious solution is to shower together?"

"Unless you think it's a bad idea?"

"I think it's a little 'out there' I didn't say it was bad idea" Cartman answered wickedly.

Kyle watched approvingly as Cartman undressed, and the kiss they shared when Cartman stepped into the shower was filled with a longing that neither of them knew they felt.

* * *

One of the benefits of being in an on/off relationship is that you could have liaisons like this in the shower and feel satisfied not embarrassed.

Although, what occurred in the shower wasn't exactly outrageous; just French kissing that accumulated in mutual masturbation.

But the downside of Cartman and Kyle's now casual relationship was how effortlessly they could seem to detach from one and other.

As they both dressed in silence, they knew damn well that they were on each other's minds. With the taste of each other still in their mouths and the memory of their orgasms still wonderfully fresh, they had to be thinking of each other, right?

Pulling his slightly creased t-shirt over his head, Kyle glanced at Cartman curiously. He's always so shy after we fool around, Kyle thought, almost apologetic. When their relationship had started to go beyond kissing, Cartman would often become pensive and withdrawn in the aftermath to the point of being awkward. Kyle used to try to talk to him, sometimes reassuring him sincerely that he had enjoyed whatever amorous activity they had done. Eventually, Kyle learned that Cartman's shyness had nothing to do with a lack of confidence but rather an involuntary habit of becoming incredibly self-aware around the person he was attracted to. Kyle had come to find it very endearing.

"What are you thinking about?" Kyle asked softly.

"Nothing" Cartman replied quickly, blushing when he found Kyle studying him the way he used to when trysts like these were commonplace. It almost made Cartman sad, but he wouldn't let Kyle know it. No matter how wistfully Kyle was staring at him.

"Me?" Kyle guessed, with a small glimmer of hope.

"Maybe" Cartman answered, ruffling his hair with a towel "I'm thinking about us"

"Us?" Kyle asked worriedly, his eyes widening slightly.

"Well, after what we just did, what do you expect me to be thinking about?" Cartman asked indignantly.

"It's been five months, Cartman!" Kyle snapped defensively, marred with both guilt and something forlorn.

"That doesn't matter, Kahl!" Cartman argued "It could be five years and I would still be thinking about us!"

"Hey! You're the one who broke up with me!" Kyle angrily replied. They both wondered how they ended up arguing over something that was still so hurtful to even think about and what they had been trying to ignore for five months.

"Yeah, I know that!" Cartman retorted, Kyle flinched at the sharp quality of his voice. "But just because I'm the one who ended things doesn't mean I fell out of love with you! Or that I don't still love you!"

In the unwanted, conflicted silence, it was difficult to believe that a few minutes ago they were kissing each other with their erections flagging.

"You" Kyle began, his voice a whisper. He wanted to remind himself of the admittedly great shower they had together, so Kyle sat on the bench next to Cartman, smiling at the warm, comforting smell of soap that lingered on Cartman's skin. "You still love me?"

Cartman chuckled exasperatedly under his breath, shaking his head (Kyle was unsure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing) "Come on, Kahl" Cartman finally said "I'll always love you"

"You will?" Kyle asked, brushing his fingers against Cartman's. But he couldn't let himself be swept up in the sweet, yet still surprising revelation.

Kyle frowned thoughtfully, earning a tender, concerned stroke at his rather damp hair. "But how do you know that?"

"Because I couldn't feel anything else for you" Cartman replied earnestly, sliding his hand down from Kyle's curls and cupping his face, and Kyle, visibly moved, had never appeared so kissable to Cartman.

Evidently, the feeling was mutual, as Kyle claimed Cartman's mouth in the pointed, determined way he had first kissed him all those years ago.

And, so, Cartman and Kyle's on/off relationship was very much on.

* * *

**22**

An unusually empty Sizzler was not where Kyle imagined he'd be on New Years day at 11AM.

Then again, he didn't expect to wake up in Craig Tucker's guest bed next to an equally hungover Eric Cartman. Although they were fully clothed and were too drunk the previous night to have sex, the reasons why they both decided to spend midnight alone with each other, wasted and on the verge of passing out, remained a mystery.

"Do you realize this is our first date together in five years?" Cartman asked, taking a sip of his much-needed black coffee.

"This isn't a date" Kyle sternly reminded him, rolling his eyes.

After they had made doubly sure that nothing had happened last night (other than literally sleeping together), Cartman insisted on taking Kyle to Sizzler for breakfast.

"I disagree" Cartman argued and Kyle grinned at the flirtatious, playful tone that he subconsciously melted at. "After all, we're flirting with each other"

"Hold on, asshole" Kyle interrupted "You may be flirting with me and trying to woo me with pancakes and scrambled eggs, but I am not flirting with you, understood?"

"Since you're clearly in denial" Cartman paused to smile adoringly at Kyle's signature pissed off, why-can't-he-just-fucking-listen-to-me look that Cartman only wanted to elicit because he loved it so much. Although sometimes it was bought out by accident. "I have no choice but to agree with you. It's dangerous to reason or argue with a stubborn Kahl, right?"

"So you have learned something..." Kyle smirked wryly, admitting to himself that he was flirting. But around Cartman, it was unbridled. Even after they broke up, seemingly for good when he left for college, even after all the brief relationships and hook ups with other guys and even after drunkenly running into each other last night at Craig's party, Kyle knew that the chemistry he had with Cartman could never be duplicated. It was purely theirs.

"Continuing my argument" Cartman pressed on "I'm paying, am I not?"

"No! Like Hell you are!" Kyle exclaimed, even with a hangover he remained tenaciously argumentative and loud "I'm paying for myself!"

"Fine! Cartman laughed back "But will you stop interrupting me? I only have one more point"

"Sorry" Kyle sighed, rolling his eyes

"We're attracted to each other" Cartman stated. He was so matter-of-fact that it only elevated Kyle's surprise.

"What?" Kyle whispered, feeling caught out when he assumed he had nothing to hide.

"I mean, we're still attracted to each other" Cartman clarified, shrugging as if it was no big deal.

"What makes you think that?" Kyle attempted to ask coolly, taking a bite of his lightly buttered toast.

"Well, for example, I think that, even with dark circles under your eyes and a spot of butter on your lip" Cartman began, pausing and grinning triumphantly when Kyle deeply blushed and dabbed at his mouth "You're fucking hot. And the most beautiful person I've ever met"

"Wow" Kyle nodded, impressed and insanely flattered. He swallowed and added wickedly "See, now I have no choice but to be attracted to you"

"Exactly" Cartman replied smugly.

Now it wasn't just Cartman's chivalry that Kyle was impressed and pleasantly surprised by.

"Since when did you get so confident?" Kyle teased, but his curiosity was genuine.

"I've always been confident" Cartman answered, a slice of pancake, dripping with maple syrup, hung off his fork.

"No, you've always been cocky" Kyle corrected him, laughing to himself as an embarrassed shade of red flushed behind Cartman's ears. "I mean, when did you get so confident around people you have a thing for?"

"You're confusing me" Cartman confessed, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Alright, when we were dating and we were fooling around or either one of us was trying to initiate something, you used to get all shy and self-conscious and I was always the one who had to do all the dirty talk and get the ball rolling-"

"So you're saying you had to do all the work?" Cartman asked, offended and worried. Mostly worried. "And that throughout our entire relationship you were, what, dissatisfied?"

"I never said I was dissatisfied! Don't be ridiculous!" Kyle scolded, a little peeved that Cartman could assume that Kyle was unsatisfied when that wasn't it at all. Honestly, Kyle considered his teenage years spent with Cartman to be the most exhilarating, most contented of his life. "I actually thought it was rather endearing. Plus, when things really got going, you satisfied me completely"

"That's good to hear" Cartman laughed shyly "I was worried there for a second"

When Kyle smiled at him, he nervously ran a hand through his hair.

"But, to answer your question" Cartman began "I guess I just grew up"

"Maybe I had something to do with it?" Kyle jokingly suggested.

Cartman thought of how self-assured Kyle was back when it seemed like they couldn't keep their hands off each other. And how Kyle's dominating nature and unshakeable confidence was something that Cartman both admired and was helplessly attracted to.

"Yeah, I think you probably did" Cartman nodded, shocking Kyle slightly.

They spent another hour in Sizzler, catching up about the usual stuff; college, work, law school and everything else in between that they secretly wished they were apart of. Since, all those naïve, sheltered years ago, they assumed that they wouldn't miss a moment of each other's lives. They'd always just be there.

They also, since Cartman called them out on it, flirted unabashedly.

"How long are you in town for?" Cartman inquired, once they had asked for the bill.

"Another week" Kyle replied, before rolling his eyes and adding "My mom wants to keep me here for as long as she can"

"Seems your mom is doing me a favor, for once" Cartman smiled, narrowly dodging a napkin that Kyle threw at him. "So would you be interested in a second date?"

Kyle blinked, his heart sprinting and he felt himself beam uncontrollably "I'd love to go on a second date" he nodded.

* * *

Their date was set for Friday, but Kyle wasn't surprised by the phone call he received on Thursday evening. Naturally, it was Cartman, informing him that any fancy clothes Kyle intended wearing on their date would not be practical. Which Kyle thought was rather strange, but no more stranger than the fact that he was in his childhood bedroom, making Friday night plans with Cartman and blatantly flirting with him over the phone. It was a pleasant occurrence of Deja Vu.

But, still, Kyle was left intrigued.

When Cartman came to pick him up, he had a mischievous, knowing smirk on his face, made even more casual by his choice of clothes (Converse and a plaid shirt). Kyle didn't like that smirk, from years of experience he only associated that particular Cartman facial expression with bad things happening. Although, he did look kinda cute. Kyle wondered if he could wipe it off his face with a kiss, but he decided it was too early for another first kiss.

The car journey eased Kyle's mind, somewhat. The easy, reliable conversation taking the edge off and a thought, quickly whispered but not so quickly forgotten, told Kyle that having fun, easy, reliable conversations like this were something he'd like to hang on to for as long as he could.

"Is this it?" Kyle asked with anticipation, leaning forward in his seat as Cartman turned into a nameless parking lot.

"Yep. this is it" Cartman replied, that foreboding smirk back again. Kyle noted that this time it was laced with a giddy, childish excitement.

"Oh my God" Kyle said with heavy disbelief when they had parked and got out of the car.

"Right?!" Cartman laughed, the garish, fluorescent lights painted across his grinning face.

"Oh my God" Kyle repeated, laughing this time and staring up at the building in front of them with exasperated fondness. "I haven't been here in forever!"

"Exactly! That was my plan. I figured, we're visiting our parents and made to feel like children, so why not just embrace it? Instead of acting like immature, sullen teenagers trying to assert our independence all over again" Cartman gestured proudly to Super Phun Thyme like it was his creation, although it did stand for everything Eric Cartman; fun by any means possible and an aching desire for more of, well, everything.

"I suppose acting like a kid for one night can't do any harm" Kyle reasoned, smirking at Cartman approvingly.

"I think it might be good for you" Cartman nodded, managing to take his eyes away from the attention-grabbing colors to stare at something a little more subdued. He'd been looking at Kyle for two minutes before Kyle even realized, blushing and only intending to catch Cartman's gaze momentarily before it was too late.

"So" Cartman began, extending his hand "Let's go in"

Kyle rolled his eyes, bit his lip and took Cartman's hand. They walked at a leisurely, coy pace, their hands firmly clasped and yet limp, toying with the distance between them.

"You wanna hold my hand already, huh?" Kyle asked, squeezing Cartman's hand tighter because it felt so warm and big in his own.

"I happen to think you have very nice hands" Cartman complimented, before adding "And considering our relationship history, we could be doing things much worse than holding hands"

"Like what?" Kyle asked, nudging Cartman and adding "Enlighten me"

"This is a family establishment, Kahl."

"We're not even inside yet"

"Well, we're about to be" Cartman grinned, pushing open the doors with a flourish.

Even as 22 year olds, the cacophony of arcade games, excited squeals and pre-adolescent laughter, the searing splashes of neon colors and the copious amounts of exclamation marks and words blown up in polystyrene, sent them into a zealous, impatient whir that they tried to very hard to contain. It was exactly like they remembered from childhood, cavity-inducing, cloying, hyperactive, overstimulated fun that was so short-lived that it paradoxically seemed to last forever.

Once they had purchased their tickets (and found out that Friday night was when Super Phun Thyme had its 'half price date night special' which also included a complimentary dessert to share) they headed to the diner, to have that crucial date night meal and obviously take advantage of their free, shared dessert.

Just like in the car, the conversation at dinner was easy and enjoyable and helplessly flirtatious, since there were more windows of opportunity to meet each other's eyes. Hell, as soon as they sat down, they both wordlessly reached across the table to loosely intertwine their fingers again.

The dessert they shared was a pretty impressive sized slice of chocolate chip cheesecake topped with two dollops of rocky road ice cream and while they decided to split it, that still didn't stop them from stealing pieces from each other's halves.

The rest of the evening involved playing against each other on various arcade games that were almost as old as they were, a heated Air Hockey match, purposefully running into each other on the bumper cars that they could barely fit in (even when crouching in the stiff leather seats their knees touched the tiny steering wheel) and taking goofy photos in the crappy little booth (where the temptation to pull each other to their lips was almost too great).

"I'm having a great time, Cartman" Kyle admitted sincerely, as another reel of photos noisily printed. The confession was a substitute for the kiss Kyle had been planning for five minutes, but he chickened out as soon as Cartman innocently turned away from him. His moment was gone, but he reassured himself there would be plenty more. If not tonight, then in the many nights that made up their futures. Because nights like these, fast-paced, memorable nights like these were just a formality, the small product of a fact much greater, that was intrinsic to their relationship, before and after; They would always love each other. Unconditional, no questions asked.

Cartman swallowed, staring at Kyle's mouth hungrily and cautiously before quietly saying "I'm glad, and, uh, the feeling is mutual"

And although that would've been the perfect opportunity, the golden chance, they let them slip it by. The words they spoke, they both decided, was a moment in itself. It didn't need anything more. It wasn't as if it was a big loss; it just meant they had more time to contemplate a kiss.

Thankfully, their not-exactly-first kiss happened that night. Whilst playing as a pair in laser tag. They were both hiding behind a poorly lit corner, their breathing labored and adrenaline raised ridiculously high due to the ferocity of the competition; a gang of ruthless, Redbull addled tween boys. And maybe it was the primal impulsiveness that the adrenaline gave them, the darkness nuanced with brief strobe flashes and how undeniably sexy they appeared to each other when they were at their most competitive, that made them both stare longingly, their breathing to become more ragged and groan desperately when their lips roughly collided, dropping their laser guns and instead choosing to paw insatiably at each other.

Although, honestly, they probably just couldn't wait it out anymore. But blaming all those other things felt like a better story to tell.

* * *

After a few weeks of ending their dates with twenty-minute make out and heavy petting sessions in the backs of each other's cars, Cartman and Kyle were starting to believe that maybe they were a couple again. Even without the term 'boyfriend' ever being uttered. Sure, being away from South Park did bring back some panicked, aching memories of perhaps them drifting apart, and this fear of losing each other slowly was what made them break up for 'good' in the first place. But, they both reasoned, they were older now and had dated other people and they hoped that this would signal a more mature relationship than the one they had before, however great that on/off relationship was.

The ambiguity of the status of their relationship also brought other questions. Predominantly, was it too soon to go all the way? What qualified as 'too far'? These past few weeks they were playing it safe. The furthest they had gone was a slightly drunk Kyle giving Cartman a handjob on his couch whilst they were kissing and watching a movie. There was no awkwardness afterward, in fact, the intensity of the moment that made Kyle do what he did, faded nicely, with the both of them breathless and resuming their making out.

They both had been thinking a lot about their first time. It was on the night of Cartman's 16th birthday, his mom had organised a small, lame house party, attended by a small group of Cartman's friends and his relatives who could be bothered to visit from Nebraska. But all Cartman wanted was to be alone with Kyle, and was greatly relieved when a giggling, impatient Kyle quietly led them to Cartman's bedroom. They sat on Cartman's bed for a while, as Cartman rambled incessantly about the party while Kyle just smiled, amused, stroking Cartman's hair and kissing his face. Kyle remembered how gratefully he moaned when he finally caught Cartman's lips and suddenly they were kissing in a way that made them both think differently about each other. Sure, they were attracted to each other and their feelings for each other were like nothing either of them had experienced before, but on this particular night, they seemed irresistible to one and other.

Kyle kept his t-shirt on, his jeans and boxers pulled down to his ankles, when he fucked Cartman for the first time. Cartman's jeans were on his bedroom floor somewhere, but with Kyle between his legs, he didn't care about his jeans, the party or anything else that could've been happening in the town on what was, arguably, his most memorable birthday. Cartman had asked Kyle if they could fuck in the missionary position, since it was their first time and all and Cartman wanted to be able to kiss Kyle if he wished. Kyle had smiled lovingly at him, ran a firm hand through his hair and murmured that it was Cartman's birthday, so he could have whatever he wanted.

So with their first time together playing on their minds so heavily, they silently agreed with themselves that they were gonna have their 'second first time' fairly soon.

But Cartman had a suspicion that maybe he had put a tad more thought and planning into it than Kyle had assumed.

When Kyle arrived at Cartman's apartment, he was met with a low-lit living room and a trail of what Kyle guessed were fruit loops that led to Cartman's bedroom. So he followed the cereal trail and his prize was a room surrounded by candles, a bed covered with red Rose and Lilac petals and a both proud and anxious looking Cartman. His eyes were bright and yet he was wringing his hands together as if wrestling with the importance he had bestowed on this evening.

"Do you like it?" Cartman asked, his voice shaky as he hesitantly stepped over to Kyle.

"It's amazing" Kyle whispered, his wide eyes taking everything in and he exhaled deeply as if it would loosen the swooning vice that his heart was clamped in. "Cartman, I can't believe you did all this. I mean, you're wonderful for doing all of this, you really are..."

"I just figured" Cartman began to explain softly, tucking an unruly curl behind Kyle's ear and pulling him close "It would be difficult to top our first time since it was so damn good. But I'd still like to try"

Kyle laughed fondly, in awe of what Cartman had done. He pressed his forehead to Cartman's and stared at him with a familiar wickedness and want.

"I'd like to try too" Kyle whispered hotly, biting his lip and effortlessly pushing Cartman down on the bed and before Cartman could even say anything, Kyle had crawled up his body and pressed a deep, passionate kiss to his lips.

"Hmm" Cartman weakly whimpered when their mouths were briefly separated, his eyes hooded and his body limp as that was definitely the most bone-melting kiss of these past few weeks.

Kyle chuckled wickedly before kissing Cartman again "Hey" Kyle interrupted their kiss breathlessly "What's with the fruit loops?"

"I dunno" Cartman laughed, embarrassed as he tried to hurriedly explain "I thought that a trail of petals would kinda give away what was going on in here so I thought I should leave a trail of food instead, something romantic like little chocolates or something but the chocolates in the box were too big and I thought you'd notice something colorful and the fruit loops were the only things that seemed to fit the bill and-"

"It's alright. I thought it was cute" Kyle stopped Cartman from rambling, he couldn't keep looking at his lips without kissing them. Although this shy, self-conscious Cartman reminded him of when they were teenagers and admittedly, that was kind of a turn-on for Kyle. "But I didn't eat them though"

"You weren't supposed to" Cartman replied before shrugging "Sigourney can eat them"

"Are you sure it's okay for cats to eat that kinda stuff?" Kyle asks, furrowing his eyebrows in concern for Sigourney. Kyle wasn't really a cat person, but Sigourney was the first cat to ever purr and circle Kyle's legs affectionately when he visited and Kyle couldn't help but grow fond of a cat so charming.

"If she doesn't like them she can spit it up like a furball" Cartman replied, reaching out for another kiss.

"You're kinda killing the mood" Kyle said, wrinkling his nose.

Cartman's expression turned cool and arrogant and he leaned up into Kyle more, thumbing at Kyle's jawline. Suddenly, Kyle was the shy, self-aware one, gazing at Cartman expectantly and exhilaratingly turned on.

"I can easily bring the mood back" Cartman smoothly and confidently spoke, his eyes never leaving Kyle's.

"You can?" Kyle teased, his arms, which were wrapped around Cartman's neck, dragging him even closer than they were.

Cartman answered by pushing Kyle down on the mattress, knocking his legs apart with his knee, pressing Kyle's body flush to his and leaving the first hickey of the evening just above Kyle's collarbone.

* * *

Turns out, that night happened to be their second first time, second time and third time too.

"We should get some sleep" Kyle murmured, kissing Cartman's shoulder as he did.

Kyle could never forget how he loved being wrapped around Cartman like this; His one hand rhythmically ghosting up and down Cartman's back, while his other hand was loosely clutching his damp hair. And all the while a plush pair of lips were littering kisses on his neck. Submitting to Cartman this way wasn't something Kyle was used to, most of the time he was the one who was gladly in control. However, the few times Cartman and Kyle had ended their trysts like this, with Kyle left satisfyingly wrecked and emptied and pinned to a mattress, Kyle always hazily pondered if this was something he could definitely get used to.

Especially now, after four years of gaining confidence and experience.

"You think so?" Cartman asked dismissively, as if he was unsure of the question but not really caring if he was. He mouthed at Kyle's chin, licking Kyle's lower lip before finding entry into his mouth again.

Kyle nodded, sitting up but making sure never to break the kiss. He was so greedy when it came to Cartman's kisses.

"I'm exhausted" Kyle gasped, breathing heavily with both tiredness and a rekindled arousal when the kiss broke. His hand slid down from Cartman's hair and instead took a gentle hold of the nape of his neck, pressing their foreheads together. They gazed into each other's eyes, almost curiously, as if their teenage selves that were so madly and dysfunctionally in love all those years ago couldn't have been the same people they had made love to. When did they get so confident? So sure? So grown up? But the proof was in their smiles. The goofily euphoric, disbelieving smiles which laced their sizzling, labored breathing with gratified, affectionate giggles.

Cartman sighed thoughtfully, as if he couldn't believe that him and Kyle were where they left off four years ago. Fate had either taken a liking to them, for whatever insane reason, or had run out of ideas and wanted to continue work on a constellation who's stars still had finished crossing yet.

* * *

**36**

After a happy six year relationship and four years of Kyle living in Cartman's apartment, they broke up. Much like their first clean break from each other when they were eighteen year-olds, who thought they were adults but were actually on the cusp of the word, their other serious break up as twenty-eight year-olds was mournful, sadly hopeful even, and it took them a long time to admit to themselves that during that fateful July night, they both were secretly wishing that it wouldn't end. Kyle would come back to Cartman's apartment at some ungodly hour, but Cartman wouldn't care because he couldn't bear to sleep without Kyle next to him, they would fall into an exhausted, understanding embrace and fall asleep on the couch. Or, after a stubborn, angry few minutes, Cartman would go after Kyle and stop him from getting into that cab, he'd call out Kyle's name in the darkened, silent street and Kyle would turn around and laugh through his sobs that would become caught between a just-missed heartbreak and joyous disbelief. They'd kiss so fiercely that Kyle would feel his feet leave the floor, and he'd cling to Cartman tightly although he knew he would never drop him. And they'd go back to their apartment and make love before falling asleep wordlessly in each other's arms because there had been too many words spoken that night and they were grateful for peace and quiet. The next morning they would have a serious talk over coffee and waffles but they would both apologize and maybe they would've lasted another six years. Perhaps longer.

Sadly, on that regrettable July night, Cartman didn't sleep. And Kyle took a cab back to his old apartment and didn't cry until the realization hit him two days later. When he had to go back to Cartman's apartment to get his stuff and as he got into the back of another cab with a lonely, forlorn cardboard box that fitted six years worth of memories so cruelly and so easily that it seemed unfair, Kyle silently cried. Making sure he had wiped away all of his tears before he arrived home.

Eight years had gone by since then. And a careful distance had grown between them. They were smart enough to know that, in the early months of being apart at least, seeing each other would be too much hurt, too much of a setback to their determined plan of moving on once and for all.

Time is a tried and true healer of a lot of things. Even broken hearts. But Cartman and Kyle both felt fate had cheated them. Honestly, they felt they had cheated each other out of something wonderful. For just like accepting that little, pleading voice that was in the back of their minds on that night, they also had to humbly accept the fault lying in themselves. It felt like a part of them had been severed, like a part of them had been needlessly and savagely torn off. Both of them knew what part of them that was. Each other. And that gaping, brutal wound was something time could never heal.

Kyle was drinking his usual order pumpkin spice Latte at a coffee shop in Denver, mindlessly casting his eyes over the busy, chatting people that were filling up the place. But his attention kept returning to the line of customers. Particularly a tall guy in a suit who looked very impatient, he'd often crane his neck and peek over the heads of people in front of him, Kyle found his antsiness rather amusing. It was kinda adorable.

Finally, tall, suit-wearing guy made it to the front of the line and his relief was visible even from where Kyle was sitting. Hell, even Kyle was glad that he could finally place his order. As Kyle sipped on his own coffee, he wondered what tall guy had ordered. It was so damn loud and crowded that Kyle couldn't even decipher what he had said to the barista. A Latte? Cappuccino? Maybe something with a dark roast? Like Cartman used to have. Kyle remembered how Cartman used to cringe in disgust at how Kyle put milk in his coffee, while Kyle didn't know how Cartman could drink his coffee without it.

After a few minutes, tall guy was handed a bag of what Kyle assumed was a muffin of some sort and his coffee to go.

Still, Kyle kept his eyes curiously trained on him as tall, suit-wearing guy went to leave and it wasn't until the daylight illuminated his features did Kyle recognize who it was.

It couldn't have been.

_Call him over._ It was the first command that ran through Kyle's mind so surely, filled with an unnerving confidence that Kyle didn't know he owned.

_I can't_

_He's right there. This is your chance!_

_To do what?_

_I don't know!_

_Call him over_

_It'll hurt too much_

_Does it hurt right now?_

_No, but-_

_Then it won't hurt when you talk to him!_

_But what if it does?_

_Then it'll be worth it, wouldn't it?_

_It's been eight years. You've moved on. You'll be fine._

_One tiny conversation._

_He's leaving._

_I know-_

_He looks like he has to get somewhere quick._

_So I shouldn't bother him. I'll get another chance._

_No! You won't! This is the first time you've even caught a glimpse of him in eight years! In some random coffee shop-_

_It's not a random coffee shop! We used to go here all the time for breakfast, after dates and if I had the day off from work and he wanted to meet me during his lunch break._

_Whatever. You know that this is your last chance._

"Eric!" Kyle called and he panicked self-consciously if his voice was too eager, or wavered embarrassingly.

It didn't seem to matter, as Cartman's face lit up both with a sweet nervousness and a happiness that Kyle reciprocated.

"Kahl" Cartman whispered to himself, he stared at the door, stiffening anxiously as he toyed with leaving before shaking his head and walking over to Kyle before he could change his mind. Defiant against the possibility of being late to the hectic afternoon that was lined up for him and the big case he had the pressure of handling.

"Oh my God, Kahl!" Cartman smiled widely, the disbelief was evident in his golden brown eyes.

Kyle stood up then, something intangible pulling the two of them closer. It made Kyle wonder if a hug was appropriate.

"It's been so long" Kyle laughed, it helped soothe whatever was tightening painfully in his chest at seeing Eric again. "How are you?"

"I'm great" Cartman answered automatically, not considering the words that came out of his mouth. He didn't know if they were true or not. Maybe before seeing Kyle they would've been. But he knew that if him and Kyle ever saw each other, he'd always be left to wonder what could've been. He knew, whatever the circumstances, that his life would have everything he ever wanted if Kyle was in it. Until then, it would feel incomplete. "You know, as great I can be. I guess" Cartman swallowed then, not wanting to say anymore. The subtle hurt reflected in Kyle's eyes.

"That's good" Kyle nodded comfortingly, he wished Cartman would look into his eyes. "Are you still working at the firm?"

"Yeah" Cartman replied, hoping that he didn't look so wistful "Actually, I may be making partner soon. But I don't really know-"

"Cartman, that's great!" Kyle exclaimed happily "Congratulations!"

"Thanks. But I really don't know. It's still not a sure thing, I could be or they could choose this other guy over me, it all depends on this big case and- God, I'm sorry for rambling. It must be driving you crazy."

"You're rambling never drove me crazy" Kyle reassured softly, his fingers longingly and gently trailing along Cartman's arm. Kyle pulled away when Cartman glanced down. "Anyway, um, I'm sure you'll make partner. You're great at what you do, Cartman. And when you do, I'll be very proud of you"

"That means a lot, Kahl" Cartman replied honestly, his voice quiet and so obviously touched.

"Forget about me" Cartman said dismissively, quickly changing the subject so him and Kyle could stop staring at each other so apologetically "Are you alright? I mean, you look alright. Fuck, I mean, you look great"

"Keep rambling, Cartman" Kyle quips, laughing to himself at the deep red blush that had risen on Cartman's face "It's charming"

"It's excruciatingly embarrassing" Cartman corrected, rolling his eyes and rubbing the back of his burning neck subconsciously.

"I'm doing well. Thank you" Kyle answered, poised and if he had rehearsed this chance meeting a thousand times. "Can't complain, you know?"

"Right" Cartman nodded, his voice deflated, staring down at his polished loafers but seeing Kyle's reflection in the gleam.

Kyle smiled politely back at him when Cartman met Kyle's eyes again and he wished he could be as collected as Kyle in this situation. "So, I guess you're not teaching kindergarten in South Park anymore?" Cartman asked.

Kyle laughed and shook his head "No" he replied "I was getting tired of the commute and I'd rather get a job in Denver than live in South Park. I've been teaching 1st grade at a school not too far from here for six years."

Cartman smiled fondly, he loved what Kyle did for a living. Not because he wanted to do it himself, but because of how happy it made Kyle. Cartman loved how Kyle would come home with paint on his shirt or play-dough under his fingernails and still be smiling contentedly because he loved what he was doing. Cartman loved the image he had of Kyle teaching, caring about each and every one of his students and being able to make them laugh when he read stories to them in silly voices. Cartman wasn't a 'kid' person, but he figured he could have kids if it meant Kyle was bringing them up with him.

Cartman wanted to kick reality in the nuts, as he sadly remembered how slim the chances of were of him and Kyle being together again, let alone adopting a baby.

"I'm really glad that you're doing so well, Kahl" Cartman said, his voice plaintive, but with an honesty that could've only pierced Kyle so greatly.

"Honestly, me too" Kyle replied, half-joking.

Kyle ran an unsure hand through his hair, before he sighed heavily and said "Cartman, would you wanna maybe have dinner with me? To, like, catch up?"

Kyle couldn't help but notice the cute flinch of flattered surprise that briefly painted Cartman's features. Cartman exhaled shakily before nodding and replying "Sure. Definitely"

"Cool" Kyle grinned, unable to hide his excitement. "You haven't changed your phone number, have you? At the apartment, I mean?"

"No, it's still the same" Cartman nodded, his eyes bright "So call me when you get the chance"

"I will" Kyle promised.

Their bodies were fidgeting with more words to say, more time to greedily steal with each other. And suddenly it was hard to look away.

"Shit" Cartman muttered when he saw the time on his expensive looking watch. "I gotta get back"

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I have to go" Cartman said, becoming apologetic and anxious all at once. "It was... Wonderful, to see you, Kahl"

"You too" Kyle sincerely replied.

Cartman grinned gratefully before unceremoniously leaving, and it left Kyle dazed and with an infuriating craving.

"Remember to call me, okay?" Kyle heard Cartman call out to him as he was stepping out of the coffee shop.

But Cartman was already outside when Kyle looked out of the window and nodded to him.

* * *

Apparently, eight years wasn't long enough.

Just as Kyle promised, he called Cartman and they made arrangements to meet. They tried not to spend too long on the phone, pretending that this was nothing more than the usual catch up that most people who haven't seen each other in eight years have. Hell, Cartman _needed _it to be that way, but hearing Kyle's voice reminded Cartman of a time he had no idea he missed so much.

And seeing each other again at dinner, proved that feelings as long-lasting and fervid as theirs couldn't burn out with time and a couple of relationships with great, well-meaning people. Admittedly, they should have known that all along.

Thankfully for Cartman, their topics of conversation didn't steer into what he had feared all night. Instead, they talked about their careers (Kyle was as passionate as ever about his job, while Cartman was undoubtedly stressed about his), news from back home (they were both invited to Kenny and Butters' summer wedding in Hawaii, and Bebe was pregnant with her and Clyde's fourth child. Hopefully a daughter in addition to their three sons) and they even reminisced about their previous relationship. Laughing over old anecdotes and fondly recalling memorable weekend trips was the perfect saccharine veneer to gloss over that July night, the memory of which kept hitting them like a relentless hook.

But, the unnerving attraction was still there. Winding up their hearts like battered toy race cars when their eyes sparked too vibrantly. Cartman resigned himself to the fact that he couldn't control something that was so impulsive, intrinsic to who they were since they were teenagers. Perhaps even before then. Although, he wondered, why would he want to control it? Suppress it? When it was a part of himself he didn't want to lose, whether Kyle was a permanent fixture in his life or not.

"Cartman, I wanna ask you something" Kyle blurted out while he was finishing his fourth beer.

"Okay" Cartman replied uneasily, swallowing the cloying, nervous lump in his throat.

"But I don't know if I'm gonna like the answer..." Kyle confessed sadly, staring down at his lap, as if he was trying to find a solution in his fidgeting hands.

Cartman sighed, agitated with his own helplessness before saying "Well... You don't know if you're gonna like the answer or not until you ask me the question"

Kyle nodded, rolling his eyes and the smallest, most frightened of laughs escaped from his lips.

"Alright" Kyle muttered obediently before taking a deep breath and saying "Just keep in mind, I haven't allowed myself to imagine a worst case scenario"

"That's bad planning, on your part" Cartman joked.

"Yeah, I really should know better" Kyle smiled, his shoulders relaxing when he sees the comforting smile Cartman offers him. It was always the most pleasant of surprises to see Cartman so genuinely happy.

"Um, anyway" Kyle continued with a distant voice, forcing it to become stronger when he asked "You're not seeing anybody, are you?"

Kyle instantly regretted the flicker of a hopeful smile that he let slip when he saw how reluctant Cartman became, the guilt that he was often immune to marring his features so drastically. It almost made Kyle want to apologize.

"Actually-" Cartman began.

"I know" Kyle quickly interrupted, cutting the crashing news at its root "I can tell. Your eyes just kinda... changed" Kyle whispered the last word, it disintegrated in his throat and he hated it.

"His name's Josh" Cartman felt the need to explain, tactfully removing any semblance of emotion from his voice. If not for himself, then to wipe away the palpable disappointment from Kyle's face. "He's a graphic designer. He's really cool and funny and I met him when he moved into the building last year"

"How long have you been dating?" Kyle asked.

"Six months" Cartman replied, caving in when he ran a guilty, despairing hand through his hair and whispered to himself "I'm so sorry, Kahl"

"Cartman, it's been eight years. You don't have to apologize" Kyle began, his words sinking in cruelly and he shook his head and pressed on firmly "It's _silly _to apologize"

"No, it isn't silly" Cartman argued "It's not. It doesn't matter if it's been eight years. It doesn't, you wouldn't have asked me out otherwise. Because everything else in life seems to change, but this! That's what's silly! And it's not just silly, it's unfair!"

"Do you love him?" Kyle asked, he didn't care about the consequences of his question but he did care about his answer.

"No" Cartman replied, sighing exasperatedly "But I want to"

"Then why don't you?" Kyle asked, his voice demanding.

"I'm trying. I really am. But as long as you're on my mind everyday then I can't help but love you. I can't feel anything else for you, remember? I would hate myself for letting you go that easily. And I don't wanna stop"

"God damn it" Kyle angrily whispered to himself, dabbing his tear filled eyes with his wrists. "This should've all ended eight years ago"

"You would've thought, right?" Cartman weakly smiled.

* * *

**48**

Honestly, Kyle was relieved to shut the car door on the cheering guests spouting indecipherable well wishes. Still, he was very grateful and even as the car drive off he laughed as the persistent noise of the crowd grew fainter and fainter.

He was so busy looking out of the window from the back seat, still reeling in a glorious daze from what was undoubtedly the happiest day of his life, that he had left Cartman worryingly silent and pensive, sitting next to him.

"Hey" Kyle said tenderly, his voice laced with the most beautiful concern "Are you alright? You seem, kind of, scared. Which is exactly the worst thing you could be feeling right now"

Cartman chose not to answer, instead he looked out of the window at the road speeding past them, trying to control a knowing smirk.

Cartman sighed dramatically before saying "I dunno. I just feel like I've forgotten something"

His golden eyes were calm and adoring when they slid to meet Kyle's, which had drained the exact color that Cartman had wanted them too. A distressed olive.

"What? Is it something really important?" Kyle asked, fidgeting as his voice strained with panic "Do you wanna go back to the hotel and get it? Is it in our room? I'll ask the driver to turn around. Excuse me-"

Before Kyle could become more flustered, Cartman cupped his face and brought Kyle's surprised lips to his. Cartman smiled smugly into the kiss when he felt Kyle's body practically sigh into his own, a sweet moan muffled between the two of them. However, Kyle immediately seized with passion, wrapping his arms around Cartman's neck and reaching up to deepen the passionate, greedy kiss. If Kyle had no restraint whatsoever then he probably would've hooked his leg around Cartman's waist, maybe even straddled him. Although, he supposed there was plenty of time for that when they got to the ski cabin in Vail.

"That" Cartman whispered, his eyes still hooded from the kiss and he kissed Kyle's forehead "That's what I forgot"

Kyle's eyebrows raised questioningly, his eyes widened with confusion and surprise as he wiped at his mouth "You're lame" But judging by how heavily he was breathing, his swollen lips and the stiffness in his boxers, Cartman's little play couldn't have been that lame.

"Seriously, though" Kyle began, pausing to regulate his hammering heart that was making him breathless "You really scared me"

"Why?" Cartman asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Why?" Kyle asked incredulously "Because I thought you were regretting this!"

"Kahl" Cartman said softly, although the hint of amusement in his voice made Kyle scowl. Even when Cartman had wrapped his arm around Kyle's shoulder and pulled him closer. "I will never regret this"

"Me neither" Kyle whispered, pressing his forehead to Cartman's and giggling into the much-welcomed kiss.

Their car sped seamlessly down the highway, the 'Just Married' sign emblazoned proudly on the bumper.

* * *

**The End**


End file.
